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Judson Levasheff
Welcome to our journey of Hope in Suffering through Judson's Legacy. We hope you will sign our guestbook, subscribe to this blog, join us on this journey, and consider supporting Judson's Legacy.
Christina's personal blog, No Artificial Colors or Flavors, is no longer available on this site. Click here to learn more.
Upper Room #306 The Levasheffs
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Gorgeous pics, Christina. Nice work!
As one who has questioned my faith in my own easy times, while watching the hard times of others, I have feared what would happen if I went through tragedy. Would I turn from my God? Thank you for sharing how God held you in the hardest times imaginable.
I was so moved by this entry. God is so very real and His hand is strong and mighty.
Drake, I have spent the last hour on your website weeping for the heartbreak you have known, and are knowing. I have also been weeping over the love that is so evident among your family and for Judson and a testament to God's love in you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us, of suffering and hope. I received the email last summer through the Reams to pray for your family. I was praying then and am still praying for you now. Shannon (Hammitt) Walker Biola ('93)
Oh how I grieve tonight with you for the same reason. I miss you Judson for so many reasons, but tonight because of the fact that Abie will not get to know you here on earth...
Dear Danielle and Marty, As I have poured out my prayers these past 13 months for Drake and Christina, you have often been on my mind as well. Although we don't know one another well, I have enjoyed interacting with you and your beautiful Ella through the years. I am rejoicing with you today! And congratulations to Drake and Christina on your new little niece. What a precious gift!
Dear Drake and Christina, Please pass our congrats onto the new parents! What joy an adopted child can bring to a family!(remember, our 5th child, Maddie, was adopted?) I will pray for all of you....that this may present a time for growth and trust in our Lord for this sweet little Abie's future. Congrats on adding a new addition to the "family". She is beautiful! Love, Stevenson Family
What a fantastic trip. Can you tell me where this is? My husband and I would LOVE to go on a CO vacation in the near future. Maybe before we add to our family. I am so thankful that you two had this opportunity to "live".
You are on the right facing the camera holding Jessie with you folks behind you, with Sarah behind them(?). What a mixture of emotions there must have been for you during these days at Ellicottville.
Dear Drake, Christina, Danielle, Marty, What an incredible, beautiful gift and blessing Abie is. How present Judson's absence was when we met her on this evening. Joy and grief abide in our hearts. Indeed, Abie will never know just how wonderful her big cousin Jud is. Love, Mom
Well, I don't know why - but just reading that sent some tears flowing from my eyes before I could stop them as I glanced up in the corner at the pictures flipping through of you and Jud. Tonight I was holding Quint and he laid his head on my shoulder as I was preparing to put him in the crib. So we stood there cuddling for a minute, while I rocked side to side on my feet. After a few minutes, I placed him in his bed and he smiled up at me. Then I came and read this and I was so burdened all over for you - So how about I cry some of those tears for you...and we'll see if we fill the well again... Sending love, Christie B *Love this website - cried too much the first time I looked and have had to take it in small doses. Your little man makes me glad to be a mommy to a son. Could you imagine he would have that impact?
hi christina, i have no idea if you'd remember me ... i was a resident for 2 years in alpha (1996-98) when you were the RD. i found out about judson through the facebook page in his honor. i watched the "uniquely jud" video
drat, it looks like my comment got cut off somehow, lost in cyberspace. :o( either that, or it was truncated
I would feel the same way. And you know what, He understands.
Excellent blog Christina! Oh how I wish I could put words together like you do!! I have such a heart for all kids, but the teenagers are the ones who really need our help. They are believing a lie. Would you give me permission to post this blog on my myspace? I would give you full credit. I have 3 neices that really need to read this! Please let me know. Thank you. I love reading anything you write.
I am sitting in a library in England, trying desperatly not to sob after reading this entry... As Jud began slipping through my fingers, the fingers of my Heavenly Father intensified their grip on me. My Father held me more tightly as I had to hold Jud more loosely. I have always wondered how I would, or will react, when I am really put to the test. Christina, thank you for making this so clear to me! What an amazing way to put it, the Lord will grip me tighter as I loosen my grip on whatever I am trying to hold on to. You have such an amazing talent with your writing, I hope you realize how many people's lives you have touched. I for one am humbled.
I agree with you. Memories are nice, but with memories comes the pain of longing for what you once had. I can only imagine the terrible pain of longing, longing for your "sweet man." It still breaks my heart. May the Lord bless you with peace.
Focus on the Family had a broadcast about moving and how difficult that is on the family. Your family has certainly endured a move, not from one part of the country to another, but from a family with Judson to a family without him. About moving, the broadcast said that "men do" moves, and "women feel" moves. Men get engrossed in the projects ahead and getting things done. Women feel all the memories and longings of the moment. Your family is such an incredible light. Love you all and praying for you today.
That is hysterical! My Ethan's 3 year old jokes aren't nearly as funny as that!
Dragonflies have a special meaning to me. The hospice that we use refers to all passed children as dragonflies. They are only here with us for such a short time, but then they turn in to dragonflies and fly away. It is based on a childrens story to explain death, i will need to look it out and share it with you. I understand about Juds picture, im sure lots of people said, what a cute boy, how adorbale...but they dont know....i too feel the same, i want everyone to know of Jack and what he went through. You are doing such a great job in telling the world about him and Krabbes. Its not enough though, we just want them back with us. Keep up the great work you are doing, keep his memory alive and spread Juds word to the world, he deserves to be heard. Thanks for all these blogs, they really are like therapy to me, helping me understand and work through my grief. Thinking of you all Melanie xx
Christina..... I can understand how that would hurt. It's like you want to sream to the world that you have a child in heaven that you are missing with everything ounce of everything you have. It is anything but normal...as passerbys may assume. I am thinking of you all and keeping you in my prayers. I admire your faith and courage as we travel this journey. God Bless Dawn Mills
These are beautiful photos! Christina, you have a gift for capturing beauty. Praying for you today - Amy
Christina...you know my first thought though? Even if they knew, they do NOT KNOW... It represents to me what grief really is.... Yes they can offer empathy, some kind words..... but then they can blissfully continue on with their day... unlike others whose hearts have been shattered into a million pieces ...in reality we must walk our (unique) grief path alone and find our way .....and you will.... I know this doesn't sound very uplifting .but I know it reflects the ache and longing...... God bless you and Drake Vince
What an awesome opportunity, again, for you! We will pray for you as you get to preach once again! Drake we really enjoyed finally getting to meet you and Christina....we hope that you can come to visit another time, with Jessie, too! Take Care, and God Bless...You are ALWAYS in our thoughts and prayers, Allyson (and Matt) Stevenson
Drake, I am so happy to see that you are blogging. I have been reading Christina's blogs for almost a year now, and always wanted to know how you were doing. This blog just breaks my heart becaue it was Jud's singing that made me fall in love with him. I saw him sing the Star Spangle Banner on youtube and was hooked. At the time I saw him, he wasn't sick yet. I feel for your loss, I didn't even know your precious little guy and I miss him. I still don't know how it is possible to miss someone you have never met, but I do miss him and think of him often. Oh how I prayed for his healing! There were times I questioned God over this. What a testimony it would have been, and also the glory it would have brought His name. But like you and Christina, I trust Him, I don't always understand, but I trust Him. I like to imagine you and Christina and little Jesse in heaven, Jesus telling you "well done good and faithful servants,,,go see Jud, he is waiting for you." and it does my heart good. Thank you both for staying faithful. Alot of people wouldn't have. The Lord will bless you!
Hi Christina~ I am looking through your beautiful website and I feel compelled to share with you of my very best friend Robbin. She lost her son at age 19 on Christmas day 3 years ago. Through Robbin I have heard of a grieving mothters ministry called Umbrella Ministries. A group of women who grieve weekly I believe, I'm not really clear on the details, but I know it is a Christian based group of women. I had the privelege of being one of over a hundred women at their weekend long conference a few months ago. I saw the pain and the anguish and I realized that these women were ALL blessed to have other women that know what they are going through! (While REALLY putting into perspective how lucky I am to have my children still with me!) I thought maybe you could connect with the women in your area that have experienced the loss of a child also. Jane
I can't wait to get to the fair and check out the beautiful work you have captured! I agree with Vince that they will never KNOW the loss that you know... only if they have experienced similar loss. While I visit your picture of Jud I will say a prayer for you and Drake. Much love, Jenny
Christina, I can't imagine the struggle you've had over this verse. Your transparency in the journey of meditating on each detail, each word of this verse touches me and I will be rereading this post ... will print it off to save it. Isn't it the fear of the future and loss that keeps most of us from living fully now? I know it does for me. Thanks for showing another way that we can fully trust God now.
Christina....I read Melanie's post about the dragonfly story..I have that story if either one of you need it.....it is so beautiful and uplifting! I am drawn to this particular post because it stuck me as amazing that not only was Jud's picture selected but also the dragonfly...I see it as a sign that he IS OK ..and so are all the other little Angel dragonflies.... Sincerely Vince.. Dad of Angel Vincie..forever 17 months
I enjoy reading your blog and am inspired by your conversations with the internet world. I think you should read the book, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People." It changed my way of thinking and helped me tremendously. Good Luck.
Hi Christina, I've been reading your blog for a little while now, and you stay in my thoughts and prayers so much of the time. My heart goes out to you and your family. You are right about the eternal gains being far greater than the temporal gains, but I hope you also remember the few temporal gains that have come from your situation. In your May 31 entry about Drake leaving town for a few days, you said: "It struck me how much more connected we have become through Jud's suffering, death, and our subsequent sorrow. Drake is the only other person walking the face of this earth who truly understands my experience and grief because it is his experience and grief too. There are others severely affected by the circumstances, but none of them parented Jud-it was just the two of us. Drake's sorrow is my sorrow, and my sorrow is his; we "get" each other in a way no one else can. In reading about the impact of the loss of a child on a marriage, more often than not, the strain is heavier than most unions can withstand. But in rare cases, this type of grief can actually develop a greater bond between husband and wife...I humbly feel as though God has protected and even deepened our marriage relationship through this process. Drake and I are bound together, not only by our vows, but by our tragedy." Then, on April 23, about Jesse: "I was conversing with a friend who happened to be at "Judson's Park" today and she made the comment, "Jessie is such an amazing miracle, isn't she?!!" Touched when people recognize how fortunate we are to have her, I responded, "In a hundred different ways she is such a miracle! She'll probably never even quite grasp this concept." ... "My heart swells with inexpressible gratitude when I pause for even a moment to consider the gift we've been given in our Jessie Girl. " My dad always talks about how losing the first two babies to miscarriages made him appreciate having my brother and me so much more when they finally got us. I wonder if you cherish Jesse that much more because of the loss of Judson. You realize that she's a miracle, a precious miracle that could be taken away at any moment, and for that reason you can feel so much more grateful to have her. Certainly gaining these things were not completely worth losing your son for; the eternal is still what matters most, but I believe God is still working this horrible situation for your good, even here on earth. God Bless.
Christina, There is a blog that I read written by a woman that was just contemplating this very thing. I found her "discussion" very interesting. Maybe you will too... http://www.xanga.com/resolved2worship Monday, July 21, 2008 ReAl LiFe MoNdAy... Amy
Christina, bless you for your honesty and openly sharing doubts, yet at the same time allowing your hopeful faith always try to shine through in your thinking. How deeply you must be hurting so many minutes of each day; I know Sarah is, especially when she's with Amelia--our new grandbaby now 6 months already. Life just doesn't seem fair many days, and seems extra "unfair" to those who love the Lord. I have had times in my life when I've gone through the same thought process; in fact, I remember years ago during an event when someone I admired as my spiritual father/mentor turned from the Lord that I actually went to church where I was a deacon and yelled out loud to God about how angry I was that HE let this happen and how it was going to hurt so many people, and I felt like I was dying inside because I was so young as a Christian and just didn't get how someone so great (our head elder) could just walk away from God. (He's back stronger than ever now by the way.) I still struggle with looking at Judson's picture on my desk at work and praying for all of you and Sarah about the "whys" but you have put a perspective that I hope will help you through the toughest of days. I've had other events in my life that have broken my heart and I just don't get it; but it will all vanish so quickly when we are at the feet of Jesus. Not that we necessarily want to leave our loved ones here, but I too sure do have my mind, eyes and gaze fixed on Heaven. I do hope you are taking these various clips of yours and Drake's and they result in a book because it may seem insignificant at times but you and Judson's story I know literally are filling extra mansions (I prefer Italian villas on ocean and golf courses as my viewpoint of Heaven) up there. Only the best, Gary H
She's amazing!
Christina, Thank you for sharing this sweet story. I cannot imagine how Jessie feels, not quite understanding where her big brother is. You guys are such a beautiful family. Praying for you often! Love, Marissa Shilling http://www.caringbridge.org/mi/matthewssmiles
Drake, I love you. I know this is so hard whether there are tears or not. You will be awesome this Sunday. Look forward to hearing about your sermon. Duane
I Believe that Judson Was A great boy. He was Very Smart 2 sing the National Anthem. I wish the Levasheffs The Best Luck. And I am So SORRY. Heres prayers 2 Jud! LOVE, AN 11 YEAR OLD GIRL, Jodi
You Are A wonderful Father and i am sorry 2 Here About POOr little Jud. I wish u The Best Of Luck.! LOVE AN 11 YEAR OLD GIRL, JODI
SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME SOMETHING SO TRUE WHEN I WAS DEALING WITH A LOSS OF A FAMILY MEMBER.WE LIVE IN OUR MOTHERS WOMB FOR 9 MONTHS AND THAT IS THE ONLY WORLD WE KNOW.WHEN WE ARE BORN IT IS LIKE A DEATH BECAUSE WE ARE LEAVING THE ONLY WORLD WE KNOW ONLY TO BEGIN ANOTHER LIFE.SO DEATH IS NOT THE END IT IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.YOU MAY ALREADY KNOW THIS BUT IT IS SOMETIMES GOOD TO HERE IT.JUDSON WAS VERY SMART AND FULL OF LIFE. HE LIVED MORE IN 2 YEARS THAN MOST PEOPLE LIVE IN 70 YEARS.SO IN A SINCE IT IS NOT A LOSS AT ALL BUT A GAIN. GOD GAVE HIM TO YOU FOR YOU TO GAIN SOMETHING OUT OF THIS.SAY IF HE WAS NEVER BORN AT ALL.YOU WOULD NOT HAVE TO GO THROUGH HIS PASSING.BUT YOU WOULD HAVE MISSED OUT ON SUCH A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING.I WOULD LOVE A RESPONSE BACK AND I UNDERSTAND IF YOU CAN NOT GET TO IT.GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
What a sweet story! It's so hard to know what they understand at such a tender age...and hard not to feel they shouldn't have to understand such. But how heartwarming that she thinks of and misses her brother. I know she will grow to be a loving little girl with the guideance of two wonderful parents and a very special brother watching over her. It was very much a joy to meet Miss Jessie. Continued thoughts and prayers for your family as you travel this journey.
I am having such a difficult time letting go of anything associated with Jaden. I am trying to do small things but everything I change or move or toss out crushes me. It is a reminder that my son is not coming back, and we have no choice but to move forward. I hate this part so much. I open the door to his room, stare, then close the door. I don't want a "new normal". Sorry to vent on your website. I just know you are a bit ahead of us in this journey and I look to you to know what comes next. Thank you. I miss my son so badly and it helps me to read about you missing Jud also.-Lisa Taylor (Jaden's Mom)www.savingjaden.com
Jessie is a smart little girl... and she is very smart 2 know and miss her brother. she has been raised by good parents.judson is in heaven and he is looking over the levasheff family. Jesus will take good care of Judson. One day i wish 2 be in heaven. that krabbe disease is awful. and especially 4 a 2 year old little boy.Jesse is a lucky sister 2 have a brave big brother>>>*** Love, an 11 Year old Girl that Cares About Jud
i am so sorry it must be difficult without him. good luck
You do such a great job of describing your emotions and thoughts as you journey through this. Yet no words can ever fully convey the experiential reality of where you are at. Letting go...I realize I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must feel at the mere thought. My heart aches for you as I read this blog Christina. I am so sorry. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.
As soon as I read that second sentance, my eyes filled up with tears. It really made me think. I do not even know your family, and did not know Jud, but yet when I watch videos of him, see pictures, and read your blog entries, sometimes I just cry. I cannot imagine the pain you must feel, seeing as how it must be a billion times worse than what I feel. I hope you are coping well, and whenever you are feeling sad, just remember you WILL see Jud again. -Mariah
It certainly is illegal in the UK. Shame on you Jessie. Did you pick up this habit from your Mommy by any chance. Ken. XX
Our children have truely opened our eyes to a whole different world. One that hurts our hearts, but touches our souls. I think of you, Jud and your family often. I have been addicted to Judson's youtube videos as I am in awe of his amazing mind and personality. What a wonderful family you are. I am so sorry you have had to endure the loss of Jud. I know it hurts every day, but maybe, through our similar journeys, we can find some type of comfort in each other while we share our children's stories. xoxo-Sabrina
Christina, My prayers continue to be with you as you find your way through this dark forest of grief. "Letting go"--such an easy-sounding phrase for accepting the impossible, the unthinkable. I hold you close to my heart. Blessings.
just finished reading a book "9 days in heaven" (has a part re children in heaven)and thinking it might be interesting/helpful. God bless you and family. janet
here's more info re the book Certified Secure SiteNine Days in Heaven: The Vision of Marietta Davis (Paperback) Prince, Dennis (Author) and Prince, Nolene (Author) Marietta Davis fell into a trance at age twenty-five that lasted nine days. She experienced a vision that made her a legend. When she finally regained consciousness she described with extraordinary graphic detail scenes of how angels had conducted her spirit to heaven and hell. Marietta made it clear that her vision was given for her to tell the world so people could prepare for the afterlife. This new modern English rewrite of Scenes Beyond the Grave is an attempt to recapture the original story in a more readable text. Supporting testimonials of the original publisher, family, and others appear close to their original form at the end of the book. Details SKU:9781599790022 SKU10:1599790025 Qty Remaining Online:170 Date Published:Aug 2006 Pages:160 Language:English Report missing or incorrect information about this product Enter your corrections below, and click "Submit". Corrected Title: Corrected or Missing Description: Other Corrections: Your Email: NOTE: The information you provide here will not reach customer service in a timely manner. Click here if you would like help from customer service. Similar Products Books That Change Lives (Paperback) 3:16: The Numbers of Hope (Hardback) The Purpose Driven Life: What on... (Paperback)