Dear family and friends…

Today marks 2 ½ years of living without our Jud Bud.  Within just a few short months Judson will have been gone longer than he was alive.  The tears over losing him remain perched in the corners of our eyes, apt to fall upon every remembrance of our boy.  But we continue to trust that God can use our tears to water a harvest that will bring glory to his name.

And we are honored by the manner in which doors are opening to share Judson’s story and grateful beyond measure for your willingness to stand behind us as we move forward with this ministry.  There have been many circumstances recently that have felt as though the enemy is seeking to thwart our efforts—uncommon and unexpected things that seem to touch at the core of our weaknesses.  We want to step out in faithfulness wherever God may be calling us but we are so deeply aware of our need for him to sustain us. 

Here are a few specific areas where we would covet your prayers:

• Drake’s job situation
• Eyes that See
• Christina sharing Judson’ story on Life Unplugged TV.  The episode will be filmed May 17^th.
• Christina speaking at The Drive 4 Hope on May 21^st.
• The post-production of the documentary Judson’s Eyes that will premiere at the Talent 1 Media Film Festival on June 19^th at 3 pm.
• The other speaking and teaching opportunities before us.

Thank you for caring about our family.  Sometimes if feels like we have taken some larger strides on this journey and other times if feels like we can hardly crawl, but whatever the case we want to persevere.

Much love,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

Dear family and friends…

We have very exciting news to share with regard to Judson’s book.

But before I delve into the good news, I want to provide a little context about the publishing industry for those of you who, like me, have limited knowledge about the business…

In recent years there has been an explosion of books on the market.  Approximately 290,000 books were published last year, just in the United States.  Because of the sheer volume, nowadays most traditionally published books are be put into full distribution –meaning they are available everywhere books are sold by purchasing online or placing an order through a bookstore—but only a very small percentage of those books actually make it onto bookstore shelves.  It is estimated that less than 15% of books published each year are actually carried in stores by retailers.   And of those 15%, the five largest publishers (Random House, Harper Collins, Time Warner, etc.) account for about 80% of shelved books.  All that to say, for an unknown, no-name, first-time author, published by a small, Christian publishing house out of Oklahoma to be picked up by a major book retailer for in-store sales is extremely rare.  Hence the exciting news…

Barnes & Noble has decided to carry Eyes that See on their shelves. 

Our publisher met last Thursday with the buyer for Barnes & Noble and, though the specific details have yet to be determined, they have chosen to include Eyes that See in their summer line-up of new books in stores.  And because Barnes & Noble is the leading in-store book retailer worldwide, other bookstores are expected to follow.  This is HUGE news for the little book that grew organically out of the life and death of our precious boy.

So here is the low-down… Eyes that See is currently in Early Release and available now for immediate purchase exclusively at STORYofJUDSON.com.  The Official Release date remains April 6, 2010 at which time the book will be in full distribution and available everywhere books are sold (online or in-store ordering).  Then in July 2010 Eyes that See is expected to be on Barnes & Noble shelves.

We are grateful, encouraged, and trust we are continuing to see God at work in Judson’s story.  Understandably our hearts are all wrapped up in this project as it feels like a piece of our beloved son, but we want to move forward with open hands, constantly surrendering our hopes for the legacy of our boy, allowing God to work however he may choose. 

Thank you so much for your love and support.  It means the world to us!

Always missing Jud,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

Dear family and friends…

We have two especially exciting things to share with you.

A couple months ago our publisher informed us that they had selected Eyes that See: Judson’s Story as one of their “Focus Titles” for the year.  This is a HUGE honor in that out of the hundreds of books they publish annually, they only choose approximately 16-20 books as “Focus Titles.”  These books receive extra marketing and promotion by the publisher and are highlighted as their top books. 

Consequently, our publisher has a big meeting regarding Judson’s book this Thursday, February 11th.  Without going into detail, the outcome of this meeting could make a marked impact on the promotion and visibility of Judson’s story.  We are asking for your prayers—for God to be especially present as the Director of Marketing represents Judson’s story, for Eyes that See to be well-received, and that God would continue to bless this project by opening doors.

Speaking of open doors, we are honored by an invitation to be guests on the radio program Talk from the Heart with Rich Buhler.  Talk from the Heart is a long-standing radio program airing in southern CA on KBRT AM 740 weekdays from 3-5 pm.   We will be joining Rich on Tuesday, February 23 from 4-5 pm PST.  Non-local listeners can also catch a live stream of the program at KBRT740.com.  We feel privileged to be able to share Judson’s story in this way.

Thank you for blessing us with your love, support, and prayers!

With gratitude,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

Dear family and friends,

Going into Tuesday night’s book signing at Starbucks near our home in Costa Mesa, we didn’t know what to expect—it was the first book signing for Eyes that See and full of apprehension for Christina.  Even though book-signings are an expectation from the publisher, it felt like a risk and we half-wondered whether Christina would spend much of her time just twiddling her thumbs at the table hoping people might stop by.

As it turned out, Christina didn’t have any time to twiddle her thumbs with the many who came out to support us.  Friends showed up to the event early and a steady stream of people came through Starbucks until after 7 p.m., the scheduled end-time.  All in all, we had over a hundred folks of all ages join us.  We were honored and encouraged by the outpouring of love and kind words from so many and enjoyed all the activity at our favorite Starbucks—what a blessing!

We’re grateful to all who joined us that night to celebrate Judson’s life and the book that shares his story.  We are also very thankful to our hosts at Starbucks on Harbor and Wilson, to Dean and Sarah for helping us sell books and keep an eye on Jessie, and especially to Cristina Robeck for taking photos throughout the night—she really captured the vibe of the event!  (See more event photos on Judson’s Facebook Page.)

How many more signings will Christina do?  Time will tell…  But we were certainly blessed by the celebration we had Tuesday night and grateful for the opportunity to share Jud’s story in this way!

With gratitude,
Drake (on behalf of Christina too)

Dear family and friends…

With Jud's book Eyes that See now in limited-release much has been happening for our family.

Many of you may have already noticed, but Judson’s website has been significantly upgraded with a great deal of new material, including:

1. Eyes that See page
2. Book Trailer Video
3. Judson’s Legacy Speaking Ministry (Listen to clips of Christina and Drake speaking)
4. Opportunity to Donate to Hunter’s Hope in Judson’s Honor
5. A Brief Biography of Judson
6. And so much more…

If you haven’t done so, we hope you will take a little time to look around and rediscover STORYofJUDSON.com.

Christina is also having her first book signing this Tuesday, December 8^th from 5 - 7 pm at our favorite Starbucks in Costa Mesa on the corner of Harbor and Wilson.  If you live in the area we would be blessed by your presence.  Come grab a coffee and a copy of the book (or bring your copy if you already have one) or simply come celebrate with us!  Click here to learn more.

We are also honored to have had the Daily Pilot, a local newspaper affiliate of the L.A. Times, pick up the story.  The article titled “Family Sees Past Loss to Gratitude,” published in the Sunday, December 6 edition is available online at http://www.dailypilot.com/articles/2009/12/05/entertainment/dpt-levasheff120609.txt.  We are grateful for their interest in Judson’s story!

We want to offer many thanks to all who have eagerly purchased a copy of Eyes that See – what a great encouragement to us!  We also want to let you know that we are giving away two free copies of the book...simply post your name in the comment section of Christina’s 500^th blog post and two names will be drawn to select the recipients.

Our lives are full.  Our hearts are full.  We are grateful.

Much love and gratitude,
Christina and Drake

Dear family and friends…

Today marks two years.  Two years without our beloved son.  Two years of mourning.  Two years of longing.  Two years of heartache.

The day Judson died we could not imagine surviving two years without our Juddy…we could not imagine making it even one day without our boy.  But here we are, two years later.  Slowly, and with a severe limp, we have been putting one foot in front of the other.  The darkness of November 7th has gradually been touched with light.  And as we have been learning to live with the tremendous weight that accompanies suffering and loss, we have been discovering the joy that can even be found in recognizing that our lives are not our own—relinquishing the desires we have for ourselves and submitting to the plan God has for us.

Yet, even has we have been growing in our ability to live in loss, we have continued to seek relationship with our Jud Bud.  We have continued to pursue him, even in his absence.  We have continued to embrace him as our son and Jessie’s brother, never to be a forgotten member of the family.  Trusting Jud is a fully alive boy in heaven, we believe our efforts will ultimately manifest in eternity.  Moreover, we also believe there is much to be gained even in this lifetime through our on-going relationship with Jud.

And there is no question we have been inspired by Judson.  He is continuing to reshape the very fabric of our lives, giving us vision for our future, stimulating our ministry as a family, and challenging us to be faithful servants.

We often step back and wonder with tears, aches, and pain how this became our journey and would give anything to return to the life we had before Judson got sick.  But we are also overcome with gratitude for the ways God has been moving and working.  Most of all we just stand in awe that the Lord gave us the incredible privilege of parenting such a blessing of a boy, even if it was only 2 years 10+ months.

But that great privilege also continues to stir our grief.  Grief stinks.  Grief separates.  Grief isolates.  Grief makes us vulnerable.  Grief fatigues.  Grief is needy.  Grief is hard.  But what has blown us away as we have approached two whole years of living without Jud, is that people still remember.  People still care.  People still pray.  People still think of us.  People still reach out.  Even when grief stinks, we are so grateful to know we are not alone.

Thank you.

With love and gratitude,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

Dear family and friends…

Many who read these updates were journeying and praying for our family during Judson’s illness, crying out to God with us for healing.  God did not heal our son.  But in the process, he is giving us a ministry of comfort to those who suffer.

This update is to ask you to consider partnering with us again in prayer, this time crying out to God with us for the healing of many hearts through Jud’s story.

We have been lead to start a ministry, Judson’s Legacy, in honor of our boy.  It will exist to encourage, challenge, and comfort people with the hope of Jesus Christ through writing, speaking, and audio/visual media. In addition, we will partner with compassionate organizations, like Hunter’s Hope, that minister to those who suffer.

If we have learned anything through Judson’s affliction, it is that God moves mightily in people’s hearts when his Church comes together bowed before the Throne, calling upon the Lord to manifest his kingdom here on earth.  Our God is a God of comfort, reflecting his heavenly reign.  He has comforted our family in our troubles and we long to extend that comfort to others (2 Corinthians 1:4).

As I write this letter, Judson’s book, Eyes that See, is now in the hands of the printer.  Would you join us in prayer for this project?  Would you ask our Father to pour out his Spirit through the pages of this book, that all who read would encounter God in a new or fresh way?  Would you ask the Lord to begin preparing hearts to pick up and read Judson’s story?  Would you ask God to continue to make our Juddy a blessing?  Whether it be people reading the book, or invitations to speak, or opportunities to write more articles, or through watching Judson’s videos, would you ask God to open doors for this ministry?  Please also pray that God would place a hedge of protection around our family as we further engage this battle that is not against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12).

We believe he is calling us to use the gifts he has given us coupled with the journey and story that has become ours.  We want to be faithful.

We are incredibly grateful for your partnership in prayer, support, and love!

With hope,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

Dear family and friends…

As the season is changing—pumpkins displayed in every store, talk of costumes, and the smell of hot cider—the leaves on Judson’s tree are turning brown.  Watching his sycamore slowly lose its foliage seems to aptly reflect the cycle of dying that seems to occur in my heart with the onset of Fall.  The intensity of pain has increased several notches as we are surrounded with seasonal reminders that bring us back to the last weeks with our little man.

It is strange to be one month from the second anniversary of Judson’s death.  What would otherwise be considered a significant amount of time, allowing much to occur—our precious lady growing from a toddler into a little girl, a book on the brink of being published, a documentary in the works, and many more gray hairs—our hearts feel the ache of holding our Jud Bud while he took his last breaths as if it were yesterday.

We feel pressures with the lapse of time, as if we should somehow feel different than we do: both internal and external pressures constantly poking at our tender places, elevating our fears and frustrations.  And it becomes a constant necessity to throw ourselves into the arms of our Heavenly Father, begging him to allow his perspective, and not that of anyone else, to speak loudly into our raw places.

And he does.  He reminds us that he loves us.  He reminds us that we are his.  He reminds us that he is omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and yet still cares deeply for little ol’ us.  He reminds us that he is enough.  And oh, how we need to be reminded that he is enough!

As we soon enter our third year of living without Jud, after November 7th I expect I will no longer write a Levasheff Update each month, but rather, periodically update when there is new “news” in our lives.  I will continue to regularly write in my “No Artificial Colors or Flavors” blog, which I’ve always intended to be my raw, honest experience of life…in the last two and a half years, my entries have obviously been colored mostly by my journey with Jud, but as time passes I imagine it will morph into other things as well.

Though we ache and cry and continue to groan, we have much to be thankful for.  Our hearts are especially full as we consider the people who have consistently walked with us through the highs, lows, and deeply broken places, even sacrificing their own comfort by personally feeling our pain.  Thank you for filling us up by genuinely caring!

Much love and gratitude,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

Dear family and friends…

We seemed to recognize movement in our grief more significantly this month than we have before.  It was a busy month with the Krabbe Symposium, the first filming for the documentary, Jessie’s birthday, deadlines in working with the publisher for the layout of the book, and vacation on Balboa Island, but in the midst of all these things we began to recognize how much our emotional and even physical reserves have grown in the last 22 months.  Though the sheer length of journeying through loss can be terribly discouraging, especially as there are so many peripheral pains that impact us as well, we are encouraged to see progress in the healing of our hearts.

We will be participating in an Every Step Walk down in Oceanside this month to raise money for Hunter’s Hope (Team Jud’s Buds).  This is in part because we are toying with the idea of locally organizing such an event in honor of Judson and hope to gain some insight into the process.  We will keep you posted with our plans.

September brings the beginning of a new year of activities (teaching team for women’s Bible Study, couples fellowship, etc.) but it also leads us into the fall season, finding us on the cusp of the 2nd anniversary since Judson entered his heavenly dwelling.  We are overcome with hope as we envision Judson living vibrantly in paradise, but his absence from our home here on earth continues to grievously affect our every thought and feeling.  We have been told that there will come a day when our many notions of Jud will simply be expressions of joy, but for now they remain deeply colored by sorrow.  So we continue groaning through our pain, all the while praying that even our lament can be an act of worship.

Thank you for your love and support,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

Dear family and friends…

As we hit 21 months without our Judson, the two year anniversary of losing him feels like it is right around the corner.  Somewhere along this journey I made a personal commitment to very intentionally write, as openly as possible, about the depths of my grief through the first two years.  It is mind-blowing that much of that time has already passed, but also staggering how intensely we continue feel grief.

I could still burst in to tears at any moment throughout my days, yet, I do so far less often.  The layers of our grief continue to be peeled away, yet my mind and heart have slowly begun to accept many of the realities of our loss.  My boy’s absence continues to weigh heavily on my heart, finely woven into the majority of my thoughts, but I am growing accustomed to living this way.

We continue to perceive that part of God’s call for our lives now is to tell His story as portrayed through the life of our Jud.  We trust He wants to continue to use our son to work in people’s minds and hearts, leading them into deeper, more authentic relationship with their Creator, or even drawing people unto Himself for the first time.  Whether it be the website, or the book, or speaking engagements, or any other avenues the Lord puts before us, we are committed to allowing Him to use our boy however He sees fit.  Many of you have been journeying with us for the last two years, first praying for Judson’s healing, then praying for our family as we grieve, and now we hope you will consider partnering with us in prayer for our ministry as it continues to unfold.  We long for God to be present in all we do, blessing our efforts for the sake of His own glory.

That being said, as I have mentioned previously, part of Judson’s legacy is a short documentary that Talent 1 Media is creating about our little man.  Production begins this month!  We will actually be doing our first round of filming on the weekend of August 22 & 23.  As things move forward, we have wanted to be very intentional about bathing this project in prayer—asking the Spirit of God to move and work in and through this film.  This Monday, the evening of August 10, we will be having a video conference with the director of the movie to pray over this project.  Would you be willing to pray with us on the 10, 22, & 23 of this month, wherever you may be, and ask God to sanctify this project, protect the hearts and minds of those involved, and even now begin working in the souls of all who will see it.  We hope to see God move mightily!

There are other exciting things happening this month too!  Jessie and I, along with my mom (Drake could not get the vacation time) will be traveling to Buffalo, New York this Tuesday to take part in the Hunter’s Hope Krabbe Symposium for families and doctors.  We are definitely looking forward to the trip, but also anticipate the heavy emotions that come from being with other families who have walked a similar path while interacting with children who are currently afflicted by the disease.  But it will be especially nice this year to have faces I look forward to seeing and I am honored to be facilitating one of the sessions.  I expect the trip to be a rich time.

Upon our return we will be celebrating Jessie’s 3rd birthday on the 19th.  We marvel at the little lady she is becoming, soaking in each moment, our hearts overflowing with gratitude, while amazed by her growth and development.  We are certainly blessed to be the parents of two awesome kiddos and grateful that we are being given the gift of watching Jessie continue to grow and thrive.

Learning to rejoice in our pain,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

Dear family and friends…

This weekend was full of excitement as Sarah and Dean, our dear friends, committed their lives to one another on Sunday, July 26.  It had to be one of the most beautiful, intentional, God-honoring, thoughtful, creative, and meaningful weddings I have ever enjoyed!  And we were honored to have our whole family take part, Jud included.

For those who are unaware, when Judson became ill and I began to need assistance caring for both kids as his needs increased, Sarah committed to help me as a daily caregiver.  She sacrificed her heart and risked by deeply loving our dying boy, providing him the best possible last few months of life.  Jud would light up in Sarah’s presence and thoroughly enjoyed the games they would play together, even as his abilities decreased.  Through this journey she has become family to us.

Sarah began to date Dean during the season of Judson’s illness and we quickly grew to love and respect him too.  Dean is such an honorable man and we feel blessed to have him in our lives as well.  For almost a year now, we have been getting together with the two of them once a week for dinner and are grateful to be closely walking through the ups and downs of life together.

That being said, it was truly a gift when they asked the two of us to stand with them in their wedding, along with inviting Jessie to be a flower girl.  But what surprised and touched us even more was this note:

I don’t think I can begin to describe the emotion Drake and I felt upon receiving this card, followed by the tremendous gift of actually experiencing their beautiful tribute to Jud on their actual wedding day.

Dean and Sarah tied a blue balloon to the ring bearer pillow as a representation of Judson’s presence and wrote the following in their program:

I was overwhelmed as I read these words; my face flooded with tears, representing thousands of emotions that words could never express, including gratitude, joy, and sorrow.  This kind of uncommon love reached the depths of our hearts in a way few things can.

We were incredibly honored this weekend by Dean and Sarah’s care for our family and also tremendously blessed to witness their love for one another…a significant testimony of God’s goodness, faithfulness, and love! 

We hope you will rejoice with us in the union of Dean and Sarah! 

With love,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

P.S.  If you would like to express your congratulations to the newlyweds, they will see all comments posted here.

P.P.S.  As a tribute to their new marriage, I thought I’d post this “music video” that was shown at their wedding.  Enjoy!

Dear family and friends,

The 7th is upon us again and we have been living 20 months without our Jud Bud.  Each time I write one of these updates, I search my heart trying to understand what my most pervasive feelings have been during the month.  The last couple months have felt similar…as though we are slogging through, but trying to live well in our sorrow along with all the other challenges that are part of everyday living.

However, this last month held many days of remembrance, triggering greater intensity of emotion on such occasions.  We experienced the two-year anniversary of when our world started to crumble on the 13th of June.  We celebrated Judson’s half birthday on the 24th of June, acutely aware that he would now be four and a half.  And we noted the day that Jessie surpassed her brother in age on July 3rd, a particularly daunting reality.

We continue to peel away layer after layer of our grief, exposing the depths of our sorrow incrementally.  I see it as a grace that we experience the many nuances of losing Judson gradually, for surely we would be unable to bear up under the full weight of our loss all at once.  Yet, this also means there are constantly raw areas of our wound, and I have become very weary of my grief.  Therein, I have been asking God to ignite our joy, to grow our enthusiasm for the path he has for us, and to give us patience and endurance as we persevere through our heartache.  So often, before losing Judson, I would hope for these things through a change of circumstances, but since our little man’s absence is irreversible, I am challenged to find the joy and enthusiasm that is inherently part of growing in relationship with my Father, not necessarily a result of external blessings.

But it should be noted that there are some external circumstances that are particularly exciting.  This month I finished my final edits on Judson’s book and everything seems to be moving along as expected; the manuscript is now in layout, which is the final stage of production and then it will move to marketing and distribution.

Furthermore, we had mentioned in a previous update that we were approached by Talent 1 Media, a non-profit organization designed to impact the world through arts and media, about allowing them to produce a 10-minute documentary “to share God’s hope and faithfulness through Judson’s testimony.”  The film will be directed by Peter Chung, an award-winning filmmaker, especially known for his work on “Name, Age, Sex,” a documentary about human trafficking.  The project proposal has been developed and pre-production is underway, with the expectation that this film will be available as media resource to churches, organizations, and individuals.  We feel so honored to have Judson’s story told in this manner!  If you would like to view the proposal you can click here and if you feel inclined to financially support this project you can go to http://talent1media.org/donate and designate the donation to “Story of Judson.”  We look forward to writing further updates about the progress of this project.

After composing the last two paragraphs, I am struck by the profound ways that God is choosing to use our little boy.  We miss Jud so much, but also cannot deny the work that God is doing.  To him be all glory, honor, and praise!

Thank you to all who continue to be mindful of us in prayer.  We would really value your prayer support for Drake’s work situation (sorry to be vague), for the above projects, and most of all, as I stated previously, for God to make his abundant joy more alive in our hearts, despite our pain and circumstances.

Thank you for seasoning our lives with love and grace by walking this journey with us through the gift of technology.

Much gratitude,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

Dear family and friends…

Another month has passed, making it 19 months since Judson went to live with his Savior.  Arriving at 19 months since his death has triggered thoughts of when Judson had reached 19 months of life.  It was at this age that he welcomed his little sister Jessie into our home and became a big brother.  Gosh, he loved her well and enjoyed being with her!  Our hearts were constantly overflowing with sweet emotions as we watched Judson care for his little Ladybug.

Strangely and painfully, it will be during this month of loss that Jessie will outlive her brother.  On July 3rd Jessie will be 2 years, 10 months, and 14 days old—the exact age when Judson died.  I burst into tears at the thought.  To see her grow and thrive is pure joy, but to watch her develop also brings awareness of all we have missed and will continue to miss without our beautiful son.

Today also marks exactly two years since Jud’s first doctor’s appointment due to my concerns about his increasing lack of balance.  The doctor sent us away that day without alarm for the long-term health of our little man, but it was just six days later, on June 13th, that our tumultuous journey began. 

It is hard to believe it has been two years!  Our lives have certainly not been what we thought they would be (though I imagine many people look at their journey and feel similarly).  So part of our continuous struggle is to release many of our expectations for this lifetime and submit to the plans God does have for us, learning to live and persevere in faithfulness even when we wish life looked different.

Always grateful for you who love us!

Much love in return,
Christina (on behalf of Drake too)

P.S.  There has been a great deal of progress on Judson’s book.  If you haven’t already read about it on my blog, you can find an update here.